Friday, January 3, 2014

How to get your baby to sleep through the night in 409 days

Thats right. Monkey did it. Here's how:

1. Every time your baby cries at night, go get her and feed her. Doesn't matter how often.
2. Don't give your baby a pacifier or other toy with which to sooth themselves (or even if you do, don't worry, your baby won't take to it).
3. Try to night wean, several times. Again, don't worry, the baby won't like it and will still wake up anyways. So really, you shouldn't have bothered.
4. Go back to work and continue to wake up multiple times per night. Become a cranky zombie featuring low productivity and a squidgy midsection.
5. Finally decide to night wean. Baby may cry for half an hour or so, but they are big enough so that you know they aren't hungry, and when you go in and tell them its "night night, sleepy time" they understand what you are saying.
6.Get the first good night of sleep that you have had in 408 days. Be prepared not to get another for a while, because there is no reason that this good luck will last. But cross your fingers anyways.